[ He's about to make a joke about how he and Rhodey mutually use each other, but then Peter is quick-firing messages and he can practically taste the panic. Shit, he hadn't meant to bring up dying like that. He doesn't hesitate to call Peter, waiting for him to pick up the phone. ]
Hey Pete, I'm here, 'kay? You know I wouldn't do that to you.
[He's sort of staring at his phone and it startles him when it buzzes for a phone call instead of a text message. He answers, but for a moment, he can't actually say anything. When he does speak, he says:]
I couldn't do it.
[He's quiet again for a second.]
Even if it was the only option - I don't think I could.
[His voice is rough and strained and he hates that he sounds like that. He hadn't expected that sort of reaction, but it was almost visceral. And it scared him.]
[ Tony drags a hand over his face, feeling stupid for barreling into this conversation without even thinking about it. If Peter had been so torn up about almost losing him at the hands of an enemy, of course he'd be triggered by the thought of doing it himself. ]
I would never ask you to. No one would. And hey, I've lasted this long without going to the Dark Side, so I think I can avoid becoming Vader, what do you think? I'm more of a Han than an Anakin, anyways.
[ He's hoping—really hoping—that maybe the Star Wards references will draw Peter out of his thoughts, whatever they may be. ]
[Don't ask him what he does want to talk about though - he doesn't know. But he doesn't want to compare Mr. Stark to anyone from Star Wars and he doesn't want to talk about that.]
[ He shuts his mouth with an audible click, unsure what to talk about. Luckily, Peter helps to fill the silence with a question. Even if Tony were busy, he’d easily clear his schedule for him. ]
[He's quiet again, but not really on purpose. He just doesn't realize he's not really saying anything.]
Um - would it be all right for you to just come - come hang out with me for a bit?
[He's never asked for anything like this before because it didn't feel like a thing that he should ask for. Right now, he's alone in his dorm and he's sort of feeling every inch of the darkness even with the light on.]
[ Thankfully, Tony is in New York. He can’t imagine what he’d do if this had happened while he was abroad, but some sonic bombs would have definitely been heard somewhere.
As it is, he’s already suiting up and switching Peter’s call from his phone to the heads-up display. ]
Be there in ten. Are you in your dorm? Can you unlock a window for me?
[ Tony stays on the call with him, just in case. Seven minutes later, though, he quietly flies up to Peter's window and finds him there on the sill. He almost makes a Juliet joke but thinks better of it in the end. ] Scoot over.
[He doesn't disconnect the call until after Mr. Stark shows up - it's oddly comforting, even if no one's talking, just knowing that he's still there.
He moves over to the edge of the window so Mr. Stark can sit next to him. But, once he's there, Peter leans over against Mr. Stark's arm and lets his head rest against the man's shoulder.]
[ Once there's room, he comes close enough to perch on the window sill and deactivates his suit. It melts back into the arc reactor, leaving his prosthetic arm and some shoes—he'd been in too much of a rush to put any on.
It's not exactly a surprise when Peter leans against him, but it's still startling considering how little physical affection they've share. He can tell that he needs it, though, so Tony puts his arm around Peter's waist to keep him close. Safe. ]
[He settles even closer when he feels Mr. Stark's arm around him. For a while, he doesn't say anything at all, he just sits there, mostly comforted by the fact that Mr. Stark is here. Part of him feels like his reaction was silly, but another part of him is just terrified of losing more parts of his family.
None of that is what he talks about though.]
Mr. Stark - where are your clothes?
[Because it's not super warm here yet and they're a few floors up where it's chillier.]
[ Of all the comments, it’s not one he’s expecting. Glancing down at his band shirt and sweats, he looks back up at Peter with a cocked eyebrow. ]
Can you not say that like I’m naked? Someone might hear you and get the wrong idea.
[ Smiling, eyes twinkling with amusement, he looks down at his feet still covered with the Iron Man boots. He swings them, watching the light catch on the gold accents. ] I was on the couch when you texted me. I don’t lounge in three-piece suits.
[He's decked out in pajama pants and a threadbare t-shirt and a pair of socks, but his body temp runs higher so he's fine.]
Let 'em.
[Though his heart really isn't in the teasing at the moment. He does almost chuckle at the sight of Mr. Stark's feet clad in the Iron Man boots with his lounge wear.]
You've completely ruined my whole image of you.
[This one's deadpan on purpose, so better.
He nudges Mr. Stark's shoulder with his own.]
Let's get inside so I don't have to explain why Iron Man turned into a Smurf.
[They can sit on the bed or something. No, pretty much just the bed - it's a dorm, there's not really a lot of extra room.]
Alright, just don't come crying to me when you end up in a tabloid as my rumored boy toy.
[ Smiling over at Peter, nudging back, he tries to suppress a shiver. He feels a bit weak for being cold after just a few moments in the open air, but there's a big difference in temperature between his artificial arm and his organic one. ]
Finally. I've been trying to ruin your image of me for a while now.
[ He waits for Peter to lead the way inside, mainly because he's far more flexible and so capable of retreating from the window sill with more grace than Tony. The furniture doesn't concern him, considering he's here to be close with Peter and make sure he doesn't feel alone. They could sit on the floor for all he cares. ]
[He'll realize what Mr. Stark said a bit later and his whole head will turn pink.
In the meantime, he feeds the man a look.]
Just get inside.
[he grumbles and slinks back into the room, standing near the window in case Iron Man loses his balance or something trying to do the same.
He shares the room with Ned, but Ned's out at the library or hanging with his girlfriend or something tonight, so it's just Peter. They managed to snag a room big enough that they didn't need bunk beds. Peter doesn't care, but it's always weird when they have guests - because sitting on your roomie's bed is weird and there isn't room for chairs aside from the one at the desk they share.
He motions to his bed, inviting Mr. Stark to sit before he sits beside him. He still sits close and leans against his mentor again. Liking the contact.]
[ Watching Peter move around his dorm room is only one of the things that signals to Tony how off he must be feeling. He looks awkward, and he's not keeping up with the verbal sparring to the same amount that Tony had gotten used to. It reminds him of the reason he's here, the fact that he'd triggered Peter with casual talks about death. Tony has always been so cavalier about his own life, so sometimes he forgets about the people out there that genuinely care about him beyond the hero worship of Iron Man or the Stark name.
Sitting on the bed, he scoots back enough so that he can lean against the wall. Once Peter is close, he reaches for him and tugs him against his side so that he can wrap his arm around Peter's shoulders. He shouldn't bring up anything traumatic, half because it's not his place to play shrink and half because he doesn't think he can handle a crying Peter if it comes to that. Instead, he'll do what he normally does and try to take care of people without really communicating with them. ] Have you eaten yet?
[Normally this sort of stuff doesn't really bother him. But the idea of him having to kill Tony for any reason bothers him a lot. It's like if he were to have to kill Aunt May - he couldn't do it. It would destroy him. He's lost too much family as it is.
He tucks his legs up, knees casually resting against Tony's lap. And he rests his head against Tony's shoulder again. He hadn't quite considered sitting in Tony's lap, but the idea had entered his head for a brief moment before he kicked it out. He's pretty sure he's not going to cry - he just needs the comfort of Tony's company.]
I'm not hungry.
[Which is a lie and a half. Peter is always hungry. But he doesn't want to move. Or to have to leave the room.]
[ Times like this remind Tony that there is still a lot he doesn't know about Peter, the things that he fears and the things that he's accepted as facts of life. He's a whole person with his own trauma and thoughts, and it sounds narcissistic to an insane degree, but Tony needs reminders of that sometimes. He values people and their lives, of course, but sometimes it takes a shock to his system to remember the depth and complexity of another person's existence.
Peter curls up next to him and Tony reaches for his legs with his left arm, using the artificial strength to swing them over his lap. If Peter wants proximity, by god, Tony will give it to him. He can't help laughing at the reply, though, because he instantly sees through the lie. ] Pete, you're always hungry. We could order something, if you want.
[ He runs the fingers of his right hand through the back of Peter's hair in what he hopes is a calming motion. If it seems like he doesn't want that level of intimacy right now, he'll quickly pull away, but it's almost an instinct to do it. ] There's nothing to apologize about.
[Peter blinks and looks up at his mentor - because never in the history of anything did he imagine this. But, he settles his head back on Tony's shoulder. He shifts his arm so it's around Tony's back and not digging his elbow into the man's ribs.
Caught in his lie.]
Yeah, maybe. I - I dunno what I want.
[He sighs and presses his head gently against Tony's fingers. He really likes contact and being touched, so this is helping a lot.]
The world is our oyster. We could even get oysters. [ He chuckles and keeps up the gentle strokes of his fingers through Peter's hair when he indicates his enjoyment of it. ] What's your comfort food of choice usually?
[ He pinches at a lock of Peter's hair and gently tugs on it, just enough to be felt without hurting. Not that he thinks such a thing would hurt Peter, but he also knows that he doesn't have his superhuman guard up right now. ] I'm always sure of the things I say. Contrary to popular belief, I don't just talk to hear the sound of my own voice. [ He smirks at Peter before the smile turns softer and a bit sad around his eyes. ] You're not alone. I mean, in general, but also in how you feel.
[His eyes dip closed. Tony's fingers are really really nice.
He shrugs at Tony's question.] Donuts. Burgers.
[Carbs and protein. Though - those were comfort foods pre-Spider-Man.
The hair tugging goes mostly unnoticed. Or, rather, ignored. Not that he minds the attention - he doesn't. In fact, he loops his other arm around Tony and hugs him.
He'd said he was gonna hug him the next time he saw him. It's just for a different reason than he'd said before.]
You're a jerk, you know that? [He pokes a finger in Tony's shoulder.] You fucking scare me and then try to talk about Star Wars. You're a jerk.
Plus - that was a stupid comparison, idiot. Solo dies. You suck, Tony.
Did you know there's a place that makes burgers with donuts as the buns? [ He says it casually, leaving it up to Peter to decide if he wants to try it out or leave it as a random fact offered to the conversation. Tony won't judge either way, and he definitely isn't against foods like donuts and burgers considering they're his comfort foods, too. He wonders if Nat has ever told Peter about the time Tony ran away to chow down on a baker's dozen inside a massive donut sign.
Tony's breath leaves in a huff as he's squeezed. He lets Peter rib him, both to get it out of his system and because yeah, he deserves it. Sometimes he forgets that not everyone is so cavalier with his life, or human life in general, and he'd been particularly obtuse to mention something like that to Peter. Peter, who never wants to hurt the bad guy, even at risk of his own safety to keep everyone alive. Tony had almost died countless times, but the most recent was far too close for comfort—his arm is proof of that—and Peter had been witness to the entire thing. ]
Big jerk. The biggest and jerkiest. [ He smiles down at Peter, soft and apologetic. ] I was trying to calm you down by talking about something you like, Pete. Besides, I was talking about turning evil! I'm not gonna, so it's not an issue.
Yeah. I don't like those. Keep the burgers and donuts separate. [Oh Tony, the donut incident made the news. Iron Man sitting in a giant donut sign? Yeah, that hit the internet. Not the national news, but Peter did see that later - that was the same year as the Expo.
Peter isn't cavalier with anyone's life. Ever. Maybe a little with his own, but only if it's in an effort to prevent the death of others. Being on the battlefield and watching Tony take the biggest hit he'd ever seen - something big enough that it could have killed him - was a lot. If Tony had died, Peter would've felt guilty for months, maybe more. Not because Tony died, but because he would think he hadn't done enough to help.
[ That's a surprise, and it makes Tony's mouth shut with a click. He wonders when they got to this point, though maybe there wasn't a clear line that they had crossed one day. Maybe it's a collection of moments and days and experiences that have made Peter feel more comfortable around Tony to the point of calling him out for his shitty behavior. He's right, Tony has never been good at apologizing. It's a weird mixture of being raised to think he's better than others and never seeing his father apologize for anything. Men were strong, and they either didn't make mistakes or fixed them without getting emotional about it. A lot of Tony's issues are the results of a bygone era, not to mention a shitty dad. ]
I'm sorry. I fucked up. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses by explaining why I did all that, because that's not what I'm doing. [ Sighing, he drags a hand over his face and enjoys the weight of it against his eyes. ] You've probably figured this out, but I'm fucked up. I'm the last guy who should be your mentor.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Hey Pete, I'm here, 'kay? You know I wouldn't do that to you.
no subject
I couldn't do it.
[He's quiet again for a second.]
Even if it was the only option - I don't think I could.
[His voice is rough and strained and he hates that he sounds like that. He hadn't expected that sort of reaction, but it was almost visceral. And it scared him.]
no subject
I would never ask you to. No one would. And hey, I've lasted this long without going to the Dark Side, so I think I can avoid becoming Vader, what do you think? I'm more of a Han than an Anakin, anyways.
[ He's hoping—really hoping—that maybe the Star Wards references will draw Peter out of his thoughts, whatever they may be. ]
no subject
[Don't ask him what he does want to talk about though - he doesn't know. But he doesn't want to compare Mr. Stark to anyone from Star Wars and he doesn't want to talk about that.]
Are - are you busy right now?
no subject
[ He shuts his mouth with an audible click, unsure what to talk about. Luckily, Peter helps to fill the silence with a question. Even if Tony were busy, he’d easily clear his schedule for him. ]
No, why?
no subject
Um - would it be all right for you to just come - come hang out with me for a bit?
[He's never asked for anything like this before because it didn't feel like a thing that he should ask for. Right now, he's alone in his dorm and he's sort of feeling every inch of the darkness even with the light on.]
no subject
As it is, he’s already suiting up and switching Peter’s call from his phone to the heads-up display. ]
Be there in ten. Are you in your dorm? Can you unlock a window for me?
no subject
I'm sitting in the window.
[He needed the air. He's not doing anything out of the ordinary. He does this all the time - much to the half-amused annoyance of the security staff.]
no subject
no subject
He moves over to the edge of the window so Mr. Stark can sit next to him. But, once he's there, Peter leans over against Mr. Stark's arm and lets his head rest against the man's shoulder.]
Thanks.
no subject
It's not exactly a surprise when Peter leans against him, but it's still startling considering how little physical affection they've share. He can tell that he needs it, though, so Tony puts his arm around Peter's waist to keep him close. Safe. ]
Don't have to thank me, Pete.
no subject
None of that is what he talks about though.]
Mr. Stark - where are your clothes?
[Because it's not super warm here yet and they're a few floors up where it's chillier.]
no subject
Can you not say that like I’m naked? Someone might hear you and get the wrong idea.
[ Smiling, eyes twinkling with amusement, he looks down at his feet still covered with the Iron Man boots. He swings them, watching the light catch on the gold accents. ] I was on the couch when you texted me. I don’t lounge in three-piece suits.
no subject
Let 'em.
[Though his heart really isn't in the teasing at the moment. He does almost chuckle at the sight of Mr. Stark's feet clad in the Iron Man boots with his lounge wear.]
You've completely ruined my whole image of you.
[This one's deadpan on purpose, so better.
He nudges Mr. Stark's shoulder with his own.]
Let's get inside so I don't have to explain why Iron Man turned into a Smurf.
[They can sit on the bed or something. No, pretty much just the bed - it's a dorm, there's not really a lot of extra room.]
no subject
[ Smiling over at Peter, nudging back, he tries to suppress a shiver. He feels a bit weak for being cold after just a few moments in the open air, but there's a big difference in temperature between his artificial arm and his organic one. ]
Finally. I've been trying to ruin your image of me for a while now.
[ He waits for Peter to lead the way inside, mainly because he's far more flexible and so capable of retreating from the window sill with more grace than Tony. The furniture doesn't concern him, considering he's here to be close with Peter and make sure he doesn't feel alone. They could sit on the floor for all he cares. ]
no subject
[He'll realize what Mr. Stark said a bit later and his whole head will turn pink.
In the meantime, he feeds the man a look.]
Just get inside.
[he grumbles and slinks back into the room, standing near the window in case Iron Man loses his balance or something trying to do the same.
He shares the room with Ned, but Ned's out at the library or hanging with his girlfriend or something tonight, so it's just Peter. They managed to snag a room big enough that they didn't need bunk beds. Peter doesn't care, but it's always weird when they have guests - because sitting on your roomie's bed is weird and there isn't room for chairs aside from the one at the desk they share.
He motions to his bed, inviting Mr. Stark to sit before he sits beside him. He still sits close and leans against his mentor again. Liking the contact.]
Tell me if you want me to move.
[He will if asked, reluctantly though.]
no subject
Sitting on the bed, he scoots back enough so that he can lean against the wall. Once Peter is close, he reaches for him and tugs him against his side so that he can wrap his arm around Peter's shoulders. He shouldn't bring up anything traumatic, half because it's not his place to play shrink and half because he doesn't think he can handle a crying Peter if it comes to that. Instead, he'll do what he normally does and try to take care of people without really communicating with them. ] Have you eaten yet?
no subject
He tucks his legs up, knees casually resting against Tony's lap. And he rests his head against Tony's shoulder again. He hadn't quite considered sitting in Tony's lap, but the idea had entered his head for a brief moment before he kicked it out. He's pretty sure he's not going to cry - he just needs the comfort of Tony's company.]
I'm not hungry.
[Which is a lie and a half. Peter is always hungry. But he doesn't want to move. Or to have to leave the room.]
I'm sorry, Mr. Stark. I don't know what happened.
no subject
Peter curls up next to him and Tony reaches for his legs with his left arm, using the artificial strength to swing them over his lap. If Peter wants proximity, by god, Tony will give it to him. He can't help laughing at the reply, though, because he instantly sees through the lie. ] Pete, you're always hungry. We could order something, if you want.
[ He runs the fingers of his right hand through the back of Peter's hair in what he hopes is a calming motion. If it seems like he doesn't want that level of intimacy right now, he'll quickly pull away, but it's almost an instinct to do it. ] There's nothing to apologize about.
no subject
Caught in his lie.]
Yeah, maybe. I - I dunno what I want.
[He sighs and presses his head gently against Tony's fingers. He really likes contact and being touched, so this is helping a lot.]
You sure?
[Because he feels silly about it.]
no subject
[ He pinches at a lock of Peter's hair and gently tugs on it, just enough to be felt without hurting. Not that he thinks such a thing would hurt Peter, but he also knows that he doesn't have his superhuman guard up right now. ] I'm always sure of the things I say. Contrary to popular belief, I don't just talk to hear the sound of my own voice. [ He smirks at Peter before the smile turns softer and a bit sad around his eyes. ] You're not alone. I mean, in general, but also in how you feel.
no subject
He shrugs at Tony's question.] Donuts. Burgers.
[Carbs and protein. Though - those were comfort foods pre-Spider-Man.
The hair tugging goes mostly unnoticed. Or, rather, ignored. Not that he minds the attention - he doesn't. In fact, he loops his other arm around Tony and hugs him.
He'd said he was gonna hug him the next time he saw him. It's just for a different reason than he'd said before.]
You're a jerk, you know that? [He pokes a finger in Tony's shoulder.] You fucking scare me and then try to talk about Star Wars. You're a jerk.
Plus - that was a stupid comparison, idiot. Solo dies. You suck, Tony.
no subject
Tony's breath leaves in a huff as he's squeezed. He lets Peter rib him, both to get it out of his system and because yeah, he deserves it. Sometimes he forgets that not everyone is so cavalier with his life, or human life in general, and he'd been particularly obtuse to mention something like that to Peter. Peter, who never wants to hurt the bad guy, even at risk of his own safety to keep everyone alive. Tony had almost died countless times, but the most recent was far too close for comfort—his arm is proof of that—and Peter had been witness to the entire thing. ]
Big jerk. The biggest and jerkiest. [ He smiles down at Peter, soft and apologetic. ] I was trying to calm you down by talking about something you like, Pete. Besides, I was talking about turning evil! I'm not gonna, so it's not an issue.
no subject
Peter isn't cavalier with anyone's life. Ever. Maybe a little with his own, but only if it's in an effort to prevent the death of others. Being on the battlefield and watching Tony take the biggest hit he'd ever seen - something big enough that it could have killed him - was a lot. If Tony had died, Peter would've felt guilty for months, maybe more. Not because Tony died, but because he would think he hadn't done enough to help.
He sighs heavily.]
Do you even know how to apologize? For anything?
no subject
I'm sorry. I fucked up. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses by explaining why I did all that, because that's not what I'm doing. [ Sighing, he drags a hand over his face and enjoys the weight of it against his eyes. ] You've probably figured this out, but I'm fucked up. I'm the last guy who should be your mentor.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)